BFN #3

Another disappointing negative. Number 3 that is.

Luckily this time, due to not getting my hopes up, I have not been sobbing in my bed for 2 days. Instead, last night my husband and I took a midnight swim with a bottle of Pinot Noir and The Gotan Project playing in the background. It was a nice, romantic time to reconnect and discuss our dreams, hopes and fears.

Hopefully one day we will have a child, but it was not meant to begin today.

I again have had raging dysmenorrhea (cramping, nausea and vomiting) and had to take 2 percocets and 4 ibuprofen liquid caps. I rarely take medicine and tried to just get by on 1 percocet, but I was up at 0500 retching and doubled over in pain sobbing. I have never, ever in my life felt so horribly during my periods and am a bit concerned, but my RE seems to think it is solely due to the Clomid.

Today, due to the medicine and pain, I have slept most of the day away, recovering. Luckily now the pain is manageable with ibuprofen. My mind remains unfocused and cloudy though, which does not bode well for my studies that I have to do today.

On my scan this cycle, the fluid filled sac was seen again in my myometrium, so since I am not pregnant, this month will be focused on diagnosing the mass. I go for a MRI on the 15th of July, and will schedule another HSG this week, but this time it will be with saline. I heard from a nurse-midwife colleague of mine who got pregnant both times after a saline flush, so fingers crossed that will work for me as well.

And so the journey continues.

BFN

... aka Big Fat Negative.

Took a pregnancy test on Wednesday and it was negative. Started spotting on Friday. Period started in full force today, Saturday. This has got to be THE worst period I have ever had - heavy bleeding, countless golf ball size clots and the worst cramps I have ever experienced. I do not like taking meds, but I have taken 2 Fioricets and 4 ibuprofen. I was going to head down the Percocet way, but am finally feeling some relief. Thankfully! I am not sure if the medicines I am taking to get pregnant are having a direct impact on my menstrual period or not. My physician said Clomid can increase bleeding and dysmenorrhea with periods. I also added progesterone suppositories to this round, so maybe that also has an impact?

Sorely disappointed again, but at least we are only out $250 instead of $500 (although $250 is not small change either).

No luck

I am not sure what happened, but we had no luck with round 1. I took a pregnancy test on Friday and it was negative. I then started cramping and spotting later that day. That night I worked, and my period came on full force - really heavy bleeding and clotting, which is not typical for me. It was also only day 25 for this cycle, which, for me is a short cycle. It did give me 12 days in my luteal phase, but still my cycle was shortened by 3 days for some reason.

I spoke with my Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) today and she said that Clomid can have an affect on one's menstrual cycle and bleeding flow. She wants to start me on Clomid again on days 3-7 and follow up with an ultrasound on day 10 to check my follicle production. She said she would also recommend using some progesterone in this cycle for support should an egg become fertilized.

To be honest, I am quite disappointed. Not only that we are not pregnant, but that we spent close to $600 and received nothing for it. It is also hard to understand how 9 million sperm could not meet up with at least 1 of 4 eggs. It really is a mystery. It also makes me quite nervous as I know now that I only have 3 rounds left. Only 3 more chances to conceive before my RE recommends IVF. That makes me depressed. Thinking that we are just that much closer to the end of our chances and facing the fact that we will not be able to have our own children. I know I should not get ahead of myself. 3 more IUIs also means that we do have 3 more 36% chances of conceiving. I am hoping it happens in round 2 or 3 and not in 4 or never.

Sigh. Had a bit of a cry about it but am now trying to be more optimistic. Just not sure how much disappointment I can take. I am really hoping for success with the round 2 and am going to look into other things I can do to increase my chances of conceiving and implanting.